Tales From Behind The Wood

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Posted on July 2nd 2009 by Owen Thomas

Who: Tales From Behind The Wood
What: enlightening stories from bartenders
Written by: Chris Cooper

As the inaugural article for the magazine, here is what you can expect from "Tales From Behind the Wood". This is a view from the bartender's perspective. There will be stories, bartender insight, cocktail creations, and I will always end it with a couple bartenders' comical pet peeves.

I figure lets jump right in. Here are a few bartender pet peeves that some would like to say but never do. Please remember this are meant to be comical, and are not the way a professional bartender should conduct themselves to any guest !!!

1. You know the owner? Funny, so do I. You're not getting a free drink unless he personally orders it for you. And don't try and get special treatment by saying your good friends with the owner. EVERYONE is good friends with the owner. If he or she is such a good friend of yours, call his/her cell and get them down here... oh you dont know his cell phone number? Course not...

2. Yes, there IS alcohol in it! If you can't taste it, you've drank too much and I should cut you off! IF you want me to put another shot in it, you will pay for it.

3. If you use a credit/debit card, do NOT make me continuously run your card through for just one round. Open a tab. When you close it, be sure you are not going to want anything else. I am not going to swipe your credit card all night long each time you just want "one more round." Also, cash tips are always better! Thanks.

4.If a customer comes to the bar with 2 bottles of beer and the identifying labels are removed, when you ask for 2 more and I give you two brown bottles. Do not be pissed that you got received an Ex instead of Coors Light. You got exactly what you asked for, 2 brown bottles.

5. And don't waste my time telling me how hot you think the female bartenders are. I work with them, so I already know this. And the answer is always "yes, she has a boyfriend" because it saves you the embarrassment of being rejected and her the time listening to you. Chances are she's going to watch you get shit faced and make out with a lagoon creature anyway, so just save your breath for the troll you're taking home tonight.

 

Feature Cocktail
Absolut Apeach Cosmo
1oz Absolut APeach Vodka
½ oz Cointreau
Splash Lime Juice
4oz Cranberry Juice
Shake contents, and strain into a Martini Glass


Cheers, see you next month
Coop

 

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  • Posted by NicoleMendolia, Aug 11th 2009 (2 years ago)

    Cooper's stories make my life complete. One of the first things I do when I get a new issue is flip to the back to read "Tales from Behind the Wood".

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